If Only I'd Known
by sunhai guy
Summary: Snow has conflicting thoughts as he is left alone to dig the lifeless crystallized Serah out of her prison. He fights the crystal holding her diligently, but why? And is there any hope for the future after all? Oneshot, R&R.


_Author's Note__:_ _I stared violently into the screen as Lightning fell semi-lifeless on the ground and the HUD dispersed, leaving her to spout a death wail-replacing one liner before the Game Over screen. Using all the restraint I had within my body to keep from hurling the controller at my 30-something inch LCD TV, I punched a wall and proceeded to write this tidbit of fluff, which also happens to be my first oneshot. Enjoi._

If Only I'd Known

Jamming the sharper end of a broken antenna into the ground, I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself as I continued to dig the crystallized remains of Serah Farron from her rock-hard prison. It wasn't my fault she was in this predicament. I didn't do anything to her, anything at all that would make her run into the Vestige. Why are we paying for this? Why am I?

I felt like I was some kind of superhero. Like I could take on the world, and the power of love and love alone would be enough to save her, enough to save Cocoon. But why? NORA was a group of wannabe heroes, not a group of revolutionaries. We were trying to do what was right.

To do what was right, but to what end? We wanted to look like heroes. We did, too, even though we failed. The Purge went off, no matter how many hitches. PSICOM removed every wrench we threw into their plans, and five innocent lives were cursed for eternity. Make that four; I'm not sure I'm so innocent.

I stopped to wipe the sweat from my brow, listening carefully to see if I could hear the conversations of the group that I separated from. I heard nothing, not even footsteps. I took a deep breath before I continued to jab at the crystal holding Serah in place. It didn't budge; it didn't even scratch as a relentlessly assaulted it. I contemplated punching it, which seemed to be the only thing I was good for in the first place.

Fighting really is all I'm good for. I can't protect everyone. I can't protect anyone. If I could, Serah might be okay. I might not be a l'Cie. At least, the others wouldn't be. They would be somewhere else, maybe enjoying life, maybe dead in the Purge. Maybe this saved their lives. Maybe I condemned them to a fate worse than death.

As I continued to dig, I thought of Hope. He's just a kid, probably still in school. There's no way he deserved this. He should be at home with his parents. I thought the same of Vanille, she's too young to be forced into a fate like this. I'm just a wannabe hero, paying for all my sins and babysitting.

Then there was the woman who saved my life. Her last request was to get her son home, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to grant that request. If only I knew who he was, if he was still safe. I hoped that her son had escaped the Purge.

The seeds of rage had been sown in my heart, I was furious at the monster that had done this to us, to my beloved Serah, and I was furious at the government that would turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to its citizens for the sake of peace. I could hear the whine of an airship engine in the distance, which would have spurred me to run at any other time. Not today though, I was going to get Serah out of this mess. I was done fighting small dangerous animals and saving damsels on the beach. I was protecting the love of my life, and the innocent souls that I had dragged along with me. The engines grew louder as the airship passed over my head, as I only swung harder to try and crack the crystal. The airship made a second pass and there was no doubt I had been spotted. I continued to work fruitlessly to free Serah as PSICOM rushed over the hill, ready to take me down at a moment's notice. I put the antenna down, ready to do the only thing left, to stall for time.

I was still blaming myself for everything that went wrong, even when I knew it wasn't my fault.

I was still trying to prove myself to Lightning, that I was worthy of her sister's hand in marriage.

But I was done dwelling on the past, at least for now.

I had no plan, but I didn't need one.

Heroes don't need plans.


End file.
